Five shitty soft rock songs you’re forced to sing along to in your head

MOST office workers hate each other, but is your colleague actively trying to destroy you professionally? Find out with our quiz.

How do they greet you?

A) With a venomous glance loaded with contempt and a surly nod of their head, if at all.

B) With a cheerful ‘Good morning!’ and a beaming smile, before asking about your wellbeing.

You’ve come up with a great idea, how do they react?

A) By rolling their eyes and letting out a snort of derision, before pitching the same idea in a meeting and claiming it as their own when it goes down well.

B) By enthusiastically micro-managing every detail before letting you pitch it to your boss. They’ll politely tell you that maybe it was ‘undercooked’ after it goes down badly.

What do they do on their lunch break?

A) Zap some pasta in the microwave then eat at their desk with their headphones in. It’s nature’s way of saying ‘f**k off’.

B) Join you in the canteen and pester you for a full hour asking probing questions about your home life, workload and performance results. ‘Just making sure you’re okay!’ they’ll chirp.

Do you go for post-work drinks?

A) Yes, but not together. Your colleague prefers to get home before cracking open a beer. And the best part is the absence of your company.

B) Yes, your colleague seems intent on hanging out with you at all times. After the third pint they will veer the chat towards compromising work gossip.

How do they treat your manager?

A) The same way they treat you and everyone else in the office: with open hostility that is only kept in check by the knowledge that they have a mortgage to pay.

B) Even more warmly than they treat you. They have lots of private meetings together where they’ll erupt into maniacal cackles before shooting a quick glance in your direction.


Mostly As: Your colleague is unfriendly, unprofessional, and clearly hates you, but they are not trying to bring you down. This is perfectly normal behaviour in an office environment. Get over yourself.

Mostly Bs: Your co-worker’s excessive friendliness is a red flag that they are secretly plotting your professional demise. Start polishing your CV now because it’s not long until you’ll get a sternly-worded email from HR.

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