AFTER the Boomer-delighting return to imperial weights and measures the government plans to bring back good old food rationing.
The return to the happy wartime system of showing your ration book to obtain sugar, butter, flour and other consumer goods will be brought in after Jubilee celebrations while the country is drunk on patriotism.
A Home Office source said: “The cameraderie of queuing along ruined streets, wearing a floral pinafore, clutching a voucher for a half-pound of lard, is exactly what Britain needs right now. And food.
“We’re also a bit short on that, so for once pushing all our aged voters wartime nostalgia buttons and sensible policy line up perfectly.
“Clearly we’re onto something here, so next month we shall be re-introducing housewives scrubbing front steps, sparrows that peck through the foil lids of milk bottles, and also send your children to the train stations. They’re needed in the countryside, to work.”
Margaret Gerving, aged 79, said: “Rationing was our finest hour. We lost the weak to rickets, lost the empire to foreigners and were all one big, happy, hungry family.
“Also I think the government should bomb major cities and draft the young.”